Power & Pole: Some Thoughts
A note about this post: I’m working on a theory about pole that I have not fully fleshed out, but this post is my attempt to get some of it out of my head. I apologize if it is not fully formed, or does not make sense, but I hope to eventually get it all put together in a coherent form.
When someone asks you what you’ve gotten from pole, or how it has changed you, what do you say?
- It’s fun
- It makes me happy
- I have made great friends
- It’s an awesome work out
- I’ve lost weight/gotten in shape
- I have more confidence
- I feel sexier
Do any of these sound familiar?
I think all of these are common expressions of the types of things that people enjoy from pole. One of the great things about this activity is that it can bring so many great things to so many different people. What I am curious about, though, is how these may fit into a larger picture.
I have a theory that pole brings one thing to the majority of people involved in it, which manifests itself in all of the ways I have listed (and more).
Pole brings Power.
I think that the reason that pole is so challenging for some people to accept – especially in those they love – is that the power that comes with it is scary. When people who were not previously empowered begin to change and grow, it challenges those around them. How their community responds to them is interesting to me.
If you think of a person as part of a whole community, and the idea that the community reacts to them in a certain role, think about how a change in that person can challenge how the others in the community see and know themselves. (It’s related to Gestalt Psychology.) If you are an insecure person when you begin to pole, and pole inspires you to have more confidence in yourself, what happens to those around you who knew you – or even relied on you – to be insecure? This isn’t to say that people be aware enough to know that your insecurity was something they relied on…but…think about it. If the change in you causes a shift in you, and a shift in the balance of your relationship with others…wouldn’t that be considered a threat to them?
Why am I talking about this?
A friend of mine recently spoke with me about the reactions her significant other was having regarding her journey with pole. The reactions range from pouty when she goes to class to demanding (if not borderline controlling) regarding the amount of time she would like to spend with pole. In chatting with her about how she has changed since the inception of their relationship, and particularly since pole came into her life, it made me wonder: was the new insecurity expressed by her partner a result of the shift in her personal power? Or, does it have nothing to do with pole, i.e. the fault lying only in the insecurity of the partner in question.
I would love to hear about the personal journeys of those of you who read my blog, particularly in terms of pole and your own empowerment. How have others responded? What changes have you noticed yourself, and have those changes heralded changes in others in your circle? It’s certainly something to think about.
Posted on January 27, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged changes, community, gestalt, pole, pole dancing, power, psychology, thoughts. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.
this is actually incredibly interesting!
My whole life has changed in 6 months thanks to pole. I mean, I’m still an overweight stay at home mum but I’m happier and more confident and finding it easier to do simple things that I used to struggle with due to joint pain. My best friend tried to talk me out of it “sluts” she said “no self respect, demeaning” I had no self respect before hand, I hated myself, i hated looking in the mirror, I wouldnt buy new clothes because everything looked awful and it was just like torture for me, now I find it easier to bother with doing my hair and dressing nice and i feel better about myself and since toning up a bit clothes look better on me and so my self esteem is through the roof, and i don’t feel like a slut… and I’m pretty sure I still want to be a police officer and not a stripper….
my fiance on the other hand is embracing the new me, he is over the moon with my happiness and new found confidence. he has always supported me and so I didn’t expect anything less when I finally got my ass into a pole class =]
interested to hear more on this from other people because everyone I know has actually found their loved ones to be positive about pole =]
I love my family, my mom and dad and even my grandma recognize the physical strength and beauty that come from pole. I am more confident, I certainly deal with stress better and have an amazing outlet to look forward to. My husband was unsure of my pole adventure but willing to let me check it out. At first it was TOP SECRET! No one could know I did this, but as the weeks went on and I got more excited, more addicted and all I wanted to do was talk about pole he opened up and started seeing it the way I see it and less the way uneducated people see it. My sister still makes comments about my stripper pole in my basement office and my stripper classes on sundays but I am sure it’s mostly out of her own insecurity than actually thinking that way. I have been poling for 1.5 yrs now and I can’t imagine life without it, there’s no going back. I am a much happier, confident, open, and carefree person now that I have pole in my life. The people I have met have become some of my closet friends, where else can you find the least judgmental group of women in the world? Certainly not the SAHM FB group I was in. Don’t do it, they are caty and drama driven. You have a question about diaper rash or fevers, call a fellow poler with kids or your local dr office. (a little bit of tangent i know sorry) I love my pole community, there is no more supportive group out there. How could all that positive not affect your life?
I am so fortunate that Keith has been 100% supportive of my pole journey. He LOVES what it is doing for me, not just physically but emotionally. I guess it’s a good thing he’s pretty much unconditional with his love and any changes that happen that shift the nuances of our relationship, he rolls with.
I’d be willing to bet that a shift in personal power absolutely could disrupt some relationships, where the earlier “contract” for the relationship had the pre-pole dancing version of the woman NOT in her powerful place. But rather than feel threatened or jealous, I wish he would support seeing his woman come so fully into her her own, y’know?
One of the reasons I’m so addicted to repeating session classes at The Pole Garage is because watching women go through that CHANGE — getting to see them beginning to get that LIGHT turned up — is something so spectacularly beautiful. And it happens to all ages, all sizes, all personality types… if they’ll let pole change them.
Love your writing, Danielle. I have a new pole sister who is struggling with some of the same issues I faced, starting out, and I came back here to share some links with her in an email. Glad I got caught up on some of your wonderful writing. ❤ You are a goddess.
Aw, I love you, Bonnie! You always see the beauty.
I expanded on the ideas in this post, through my new piece on the Bad Kitty blog. I’ll be continuing to explore empowerment through pole over the next couple of months – it will be a continuing series! Should be interesting to write!
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