I think it’s fair to say that most pole dancers are hard on themselves. We look at our photos or videos and only see the negatives – the things to work on. I think we strive for perfection a lot of the time, which tends to mean that we miss the little victories. Something isn’t pretty, so it’s not perfect.
I was chatting with a Pole Unbound friend about why we tend to post videos or photos and apologize for them:
- I was tired.
- It’s messy.
- I don’t like this part.
- This isn’t my best.
Admit it: you’ve probably said something like that in a post online. If you haven’t, that’s AWESOME. Seriously, good for you! But, for the rest of us, I think I’ve figured out a couple of reasons why we behave this way:
- We’re trying to beat critics to the punch. It’s an admission of, “Hey, I bet you’re going to judge me for not being perfect, so let me tell you up front that I know. I know I wasn’t perfect.”
- We’re looking to be better and selecting the things we know we need to work on.
I tend to think the first reason is the most common reason, but the second one is also absolutely valid. I know that’s why I do it! I do also make a note of things I want to work on, too, but it tends to be more the former than the latter.
So, I wanted to take a moment to talk about pride. Not stupid, ego-driven, I’m so fucking awesome it hurts pride, but genuine appreciation for the work you’ve done and how far you’ve come.
It’s really hard to watch videos of yourself (for most people). It has been hard for me for a long time, but I’m getting over it. Freestyle exploration as helped me IMMENSELY in this regard. One of the tenets of freestyle exploration is to move away from being self-conscious about your movement (whether it’s pretty or ugly or weird or graceful).
I try hard, nowadays, to look at videos of myself and seek out the good moments. I’m not always successful (I deleted an entire video today without even watching it because I just felt so off during the dance), but it’s a mindset to practice.
In that vein, here are three recent videos of mine that I am proud of:
My Northern California Pole Presentation Performance
This was my first public pole performance since PPC 2012, and I worked hard on it. I chose my song because I loved it (“Nearly Midnight, Honolulu” by Neko Case). I loved the simplicity of it, I loved the story of it, I loved that it moved me. It was not any easy song to “dance” to, but I didn’t really care, because I had a story I wanted to tell.
I am proud that many of my moves are clean. I am proud that I stuck to my story and my movement, even when the audience’s initial reaction wasn’t what I expected it to be. I am proud that I kept going when I had a grip issue (I used too much grip and got stuck). I am proud that my self-made costume looked pretty. I am proud that the emotion I wanted came through in many moments.
My Pacific Aerial Art Championship Performance
This routine came together in less than a month, because the original song I chose just didn’t work for me. I was training for the NCPP routine for the month prior to PAAC, so I didn’t work on my PAAC routine until NCPP was done. I had ideas and a song and a concept, but when I went into the studio for the first time to work on it, I couldn’t get it to work. So, I had to choose a new song and start from scratch. Because I was unsure about what our rigging would allow, I kept my routine safe by using mostly intermediate moves and worked to make those clean and to make my transitions work.
I am proud of my energy in this routine. I am proud that I did something totally different from anything I have done or anything I usually do. I am proud that I took a chance and went with it, despite being scared. I am proud that most of my moves are clean, and more importantly, that most of my transitions are clean – that I was able to dance/move through them smoothly. I am proud that my costume came together and looked awesome – the same is true of my props. I am proud of my story – I really loved it. And, I am proud that my twerk
My Finding Your Freestyle Challenge video
I shot this at the end of Pole Unbound, to fulfill a FYF challenge from my friend Tiffany. I used the prompt of “hair” for the dance (a prompt that was given to me by a partner during a freestyle workshop earlier in the PU weekend, which I LOVED).
I am proud of this because I had never heard the song before dancing to it. My friend Jamie, who was also at Pole Unbound, chose it for me. I am proud of my movement. I am proud that I stuck with my prompt and explored it. I am proud that my focus was just my prompt and the movement to explore it, and not that I didn’t know the song or how I might look, etc.
My Handspring Practice video
These clips were shot today. I went to an open pole practice, initially to work on some freestyle and work from Pole Unbound, but ended up feeling really self-conscious about it in the presence of people I didn’t know (and in an unfamiliar studio). So, I started working on tricks, and to my delight, my TG handspring from the floor came back!
I am proud that I tried my handspring again, despite not really thinking I could do it today. I am proud that I kept at it. I am proud that I’ve gotten stronger and can see it – and feel it. I am proud that I have 4 different handspring variations in this video: my TG from the floor, my TG ayesha from caterpillar, my forearm handspring, and my elbow grip ayesha from caterpillar. I am super proud of my elbow grip and how solid it feels. I am proud that I did my elbow grip last and was still able to hold it well.
So. Now, I challenge you to watch your own videos and find the moments you are proud of. It doesn’t have to be much. It could be a few seconds. But look for the things to celebrate. The little victories are a big, big deal. Trust me. :-)
If you’ve been reading my blog, you may have noticed that I occasionally talk about my wrist pain from pole dancing. I wanted to take a minute to share one of the things that I believe has helped me lessen the pain! Sometime last year, a pole sister of mine (one of my pole “sponsees” – a gal I got into poling) mentioned that she’d been using wrist wraps while poling to give her wrists added support. I thought it was an interesting idea, but because of my ADD, it pretty much leaked out of my brain five minutes after the conversation. A little while later, I happened to come across a giveaway on Pole Dancing Adventures, offering up the wrist wraps from Vertical Swag. While I was not the winner of the giveaway, I did end up buying a pair of my own. You may have seen me sporting them in various photos:
In all of these photos, I have on my zebra striped Vertical Swag wrist wraps. I do think they’ve helped me stabilize my wrists, especially since I’ve been working to move into more aerial/twisted grip moves. TG is hard on my right wrist, which is my “pull” wrist (the hand that is “up” in all of my TG moves). After taking two weeks off from class because of the holidays and my busy work schedule, all it took was one class filled with twisted grip moves and handspring work for my wrist to be in a ton of pain – and, of course, I had neglected to take the time to put on my wrist wraps before that class, which was not smart – I think it would have helped a lot if I’d put them on! Since then, I’ve been keeping my wrist wrapped a good portion of the time that I am not in class (depends on the day and what I’m up to), and I went back to using my wrist wraps, even in Lyra, which is normally not that bad on my wrist. I think the wraps have helped with the pain!
I do think that some of my wrist pain would be better if I a) was better conditioned in my wrists and forearms b) lost a little bit of weight. Now, don’t think I’m complaining about being fat or something – the simple fact is that less weight on a sensitive wrist would be a good thing. I’m asking my wrists to support 157ish pounds, and while conditioning would CERTAINLY help that, I’m sure my wrists would love me for laying off junk food for a bit.
The wrist wraps, however, are a great, affordable little helper! They add stability, but also keep the joint warm, which is nice. They’re 100% cotton, easily washable, and simple to use. Here’s a great little demo video of how to put them on and secure them:
Vertical Swag offers a number of colors and styles – my zebra print is no longer listed, but there’s a cute teal version! I love that they’re made for pole dancers, BY a pole dancer, so you get to support a fellow poler AND a small business by purchasing them. You can purchase your wraps at http://verticalswag.com/wraps/ – the front page of the site says that there is currently a New Year’s sale going on, so you can save 25% off right now! They also offer other products for polers, like shoe and grip bags. You can check them out online at www.verticalswag.com and on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/VerticalSwag
I’ll have some more fun updates again soon! Happy Poling!
Last night in class, we started conditioning for handsprings – exciting and scary! Back in the fall, I started learning the original mount position for a twisted handgrip handspring, but I was not strong enough (nor flexible enough, although I am not that flexible now anyway) to be able to hold it or even really get into it with any ease. We were not at the place to begin the launch conditioning, but my instructor at the time (Autumn, who just had a baby!) just wanted us to learn what it felt like to be in that position. I’ve been conditioning twisted handgrip to go into aerial ever since, but haven’t revisited the handspring launch position since then. Drea brought it in this week, so we can start getting familiar with it now, even though most of us aren’t quite ready to go full aerial. She’s teaching us twisted first, because we’re all still conditioning that grip up on the pole – it’s the Jenyne Butterfly dead lift version of a handspring, I think. I was able to get into the position with a lot more ease than in the fall, and I could hold it for longer, but I wasn’t able to get up yet – whatever balance and strength it takes with the bottom arm isn’t conditioned yet. But, it’s conditioning I can at least work on at home – I can work on staying in the launch position to get used to it and doing little controlled hops to work on the core conditioning.
On top of that conditioning, I also have homework conditioning to do to get caught up on straight leg inverts – I am woefully behind on that (when compared to my fellow classmates, which I shouldn’t be comparing myself to, but whatever). Straight leg inverts have always bothered my back a lot – I used to have immediate pain from them – now, I can do a few, but either go home and feel pain that night, or all the following day. It sucks. I still can’t get up with straight legs, either – so, I feel like I’m hurting myself for no progress. It’s a source of a lot of frustration for me. Drea gave me baby step conditioning to do to work up to it, which is good – it’s just really upsetting that my body won’t do what I want it to do.
On the plus side, I was able to do the butterfly from the floor mount (as opposed to an inversion to get into it), which is something that I had tried once with Autumn, too. Last week, I hadn’t done proper stretching on my left leg to allow it – I tried to get into the position and whatever I messed up in my knee last year twanged hard enough that I aborted it without trying the trick.
In other news, I will be volunteering at the International Pole Masters Cup Championships on June 21st – I thought it might be neat to see what goes on at the event, even if I don’t get a chance to watch the show itself. I may be doing a second day of work/volunteering at the Pole Convention, but waiting to hear back on that – it would be for a vendor, instead of for the event itself.
And, best of all, I have a really fun idea for a pole-related item, which was cooked up with a member of a group of polers I chat with via Facebook – we’re looking to meet up about it next week, and I’ve enlisted my boyfriend for help with it. I would be SO EXCITED to get it off the ground!
I need to work on my PPC post and get it out sooner, as it looks like the photos/video may take a while – I finally checked in to ask about them, because I thought I would have received them by now, and it turns out that a lot of us haven’t heard back – we also haven’t received our scorecards (feedback on performances) yet, which I had forgotten about. So, I will try to get the PPC post done and up, then post photos and maybe video/scorecard when it all arrives.
Here’s a fun little pic from this week’s class – our theme was “Apron Strip”, so I brought the only apron I own (the front reads: “I keep the best snacks under my apron.”) and my “fancy housewife” rubber gloves that have fabric detailing on the ends. We are a silly bunch sometimes!